Keep Laughing: The Purina Diet

"I have a Golden Retriever and I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart and in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awoke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that by now practically everyone in line was enthralled by my story, particularly the guy behind the woman asking stupid questions.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I'd been poisoned.

I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door..."