Sorry all. Out for surgery. Recovery going v. v. well, so should be back to posting asap!
Hope this finds you all well!
xo, Leigh
6.30.2007
5.11.2007
Subject: Good Recipe!
Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.
BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN
6-7 lb. Chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste
____________________________
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it's done.And you thought I couldn't cook...
*Thanks for the recipe Nancy! Lexington, Kentucky*
BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN
6-7 lb. Chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste
____________________________
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it's done.And you thought I couldn't cook...
*Thanks for the recipe Nancy! Lexington, Kentucky*
5.10.2007
Fw: Happy Mother's Day Poem
Before I was a Mom -
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.
*Thanks for the lovely poem E.! www.crustybeef.blogspot.com*
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.
*Thanks for the lovely poem E.! www.crustybeef.blogspot.com*
5.09.2007
5.08.2007
FW: Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas, Texas
This story verified in Snopes.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/immigration/parkland.asp
Bryanna Bevens is a political consultant and former chief of staff for a member of the California StateAssembly.
by Bryanna Bevens
Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas, Texasis a fairly famous institution and for a variet y of reasons:
1. John F. Kennedy died there in 1963
2. Lee Harvey Oswald died there shortly after
3. Jack Ruby-who killed Lee Harvey Oswald, died there a few years later by coincidence.
On the flip side, Parklandis also home to the second busiest maternity ward in the country with almost 16,000 new babies arriving each year. (That's almost 44 per day---every day)
A recent patient survey indicated that 70 percent of the women who gave birth at Parkland in the first three months of 2006 were illegal immigrants! Crikey, that's 11,200 anchor babies born every year just in Dallas. According to the article, the hospital spent $70.7 million delivering 15,938 babies in 2004 but managed to end up with almost $8 million dollars in surplus funding. Medicaid kicked in $34.5 million, Dallas County taxpayers kicked in $31.3 million and the feds tossed in another $9.5 million.
The average patient in Parkland's maternity wards is 25 years old, married and giving birth to her second child. She is also an illegal immigrant. By law, pregnant women cannot be denied medical care based on their immigration status or ability to pay. OK, fine. That doesn't mean they should receive better care than everyday, middle-class American citizens. But at Parkland Hospital, they do.
Parkland Memorial Hospital has nine prenatal clinics. NINE. The Dallas Morning News article followed a Hispanic woman who was a patient at one of the clinics and pregnant with her third child---her previous two were also born at Parkland. Her first two deliveries were fr ee and the Mexican native was grateful because it would have cost $200 to have them in Mexico. This time, the hospital wants her to pay $10 per visit and $100 for the delivery but she was unsure if she could come up with the money. Not that it matters, the hospital won't turn her away. (I wonder why they even bother asking at this point.)
How long has this been going on? What are the long-term effects? Well, another subject of the article was born at Parkland in 1986 shortly after her mother entered the U.S.illegally---now she is having her own child there as well. (That's right, she's technically a U.S.citizen.) These women receive free prenatal care including medication, nutrition, birthin g classes and child care classes. They also get freebies such as car seats, bottles, diapers and formula. Most of these things are available to American citizens as well but only for low-income applicants and even then, the red tape involved is almost insurmountable.
Because these women are illegal immigrants they do not have to provide any sort of legitimate identification---no proof of income. An American citizen would have to provide a social security number which would reveal their annual income---an illegal immigrant need only claim to be poor and the hospital must take them at their word.
My husband is a pilot for the United StatesNavy (yes, he fought in Iraq) and while the health care is good, we Navy wives don't get any of these perks! Car seats? Diapers? Not so much. So my question is this: Does our public medical care system treat illegal immigrants better than American citizens? Yes it does!As I mentioned, the care I have received is perfectly adequate but it's bare bones, meat and potato medical care---not top of the line.
Their (the illegals) medical care is free---simply because they are illegal immigrants? Once again, there is no way to verify their income. Parkland Hospital offers indigent care to Dallas County residents who earn less than $40,000 per year. (They also have to prove that they did not refuse health coverage at their current job. Yeah, the 'free' care is not so easy for Americans.)
There are about 140 patients who received roughly $4 million dollars for un-reimbursed medical care. As it turns out, they did not qualify for free treatment because they resided outside of Dallas County. So the hospital is going to sue them! Illegals get it all free! But U.S.citizens who live outside of Dallas County get sued! How stupid is this?
As if that isn't annoying enough, the illegal immigrant patients are actually complaining about hospital staff not speaking Spanish. In this AP story, the author speaks with a woman who is upset that she had to translate comments from the hospital staff into Spanish for her husband. The doctor was trying to explain the situation to the family and the mother was forced to translate for her husband who only spoke Spanish. This was apparently a great injustice to her.
"In an attempt to create a Spanish-speaking staff, Parkland Hospital is now providing incentives in the form of extra pay for applicants who speak Spanish. Additionally, medical students at the University of Texas Southwestern for which Parkland Hospital is the training facility will now have a Spanish language requirement added to their already jammed-packed curriculum. No other school in the country boasts such a ridiculous multi-semester (multicultural) requirement.
In the meantime, I have to end my column here. I have to go buy a car seat. (Ed: Sorry for the length, but this needs wide circulation----particularly to our "employees" in the Congress.)
Quote of the Day "Once the coffers of the federal government are opened to the public*, there will be no shutting them again." -Grover Cleveland
POST SCRIPT FROM A U.S.CITIZEN.--- Many of us are now in the so called, "Donut hole" with our prescriptions. We paid our money to protect us in our later years, but our people in Washington have elected to give it to the illegal immigrants, How fair can that be?
http://www.snopes.com/politics/immigration/parkland.asp
Bryanna Bevens is a political consultant and former chief of staff for a member of the California StateAssembly.
by Bryanna Bevens
Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas, Texasis a fairly famous institution and for a variet y of reasons:
1. John F. Kennedy died there in 1963
2. Lee Harvey Oswald died there shortly after
3. Jack Ruby-who killed Lee Harvey Oswald, died there a few years later by coincidence.
On the flip side, Parklandis also home to the second busiest maternity ward in the country with almost 16,000 new babies arriving each year. (That's almost 44 per day---every day)
A recent patient survey indicated that 70 percent of the women who gave birth at Parkland in the first three months of 2006 were illegal immigrants! Crikey, that's 11,200 anchor babies born every year just in Dallas. According to the article, the hospital spent $70.7 million delivering 15,938 babies in 2004 but managed to end up with almost $8 million dollars in surplus funding. Medicaid kicked in $34.5 million, Dallas County taxpayers kicked in $31.3 million and the feds tossed in another $9.5 million.
The average patient in Parkland's maternity wards is 25 years old, married and giving birth to her second child. She is also an illegal immigrant. By law, pregnant women cannot be denied medical care based on their immigration status or ability to pay. OK, fine. That doesn't mean they should receive better care than everyday, middle-class American citizens. But at Parkland Hospital, they do.
Parkland Memorial Hospital has nine prenatal clinics. NINE. The Dallas Morning News article followed a Hispanic woman who was a patient at one of the clinics and pregnant with her third child---her previous two were also born at Parkland. Her first two deliveries were fr ee and the Mexican native was grateful because it would have cost $200 to have them in Mexico. This time, the hospital wants her to pay $10 per visit and $100 for the delivery but she was unsure if she could come up with the money. Not that it matters, the hospital won't turn her away. (I wonder why they even bother asking at this point.)
How long has this been going on? What are the long-term effects? Well, another subject of the article was born at Parkland in 1986 shortly after her mother entered the U.S.illegally---now she is having her own child there as well. (That's right, she's technically a U.S.citizen.) These women receive free prenatal care including medication, nutrition, birthin g classes and child care classes. They also get freebies such as car seats, bottles, diapers and formula. Most of these things are available to American citizens as well but only for low-income applicants and even then, the red tape involved is almost insurmountable.
Because these women are illegal immigrants they do not have to provide any sort of legitimate identification---no proof of income. An American citizen would have to provide a social security number which would reveal their annual income---an illegal immigrant need only claim to be poor and the hospital must take them at their word.
My husband is a pilot for the United StatesNavy (yes, he fought in Iraq) and while the health care is good, we Navy wives don't get any of these perks! Car seats? Diapers? Not so much. So my question is this: Does our public medical care system treat illegal immigrants better than American citizens? Yes it does!As I mentioned, the care I have received is perfectly adequate but it's bare bones, meat and potato medical care---not top of the line.
Their (the illegals) medical care is free---simply because they are illegal immigrants? Once again, there is no way to verify their income. Parkland Hospital offers indigent care to Dallas County residents who earn less than $40,000 per year. (They also have to prove that they did not refuse health coverage at their current job. Yeah, the 'free' care is not so easy for Americans.)
There are about 140 patients who received roughly $4 million dollars for un-reimbursed medical care. As it turns out, they did not qualify for free treatment because they resided outside of Dallas County. So the hospital is going to sue them! Illegals get it all free! But U.S.citizens who live outside of Dallas County get sued! How stupid is this?
As if that isn't annoying enough, the illegal immigrant patients are actually complaining about hospital staff not speaking Spanish. In this AP story, the author speaks with a woman who is upset that she had to translate comments from the hospital staff into Spanish for her husband. The doctor was trying to explain the situation to the family and the mother was forced to translate for her husband who only spoke Spanish. This was apparently a great injustice to her.
"In an attempt to create a Spanish-speaking staff, Parkland Hospital is now providing incentives in the form of extra pay for applicants who speak Spanish. Additionally, medical students at the University of Texas Southwestern for which Parkland Hospital is the training facility will now have a Spanish language requirement added to their already jammed-packed curriculum. No other school in the country boasts such a ridiculous multi-semester (multicultural) requirement.
In the meantime, I have to end my column here. I have to go buy a car seat. (Ed: Sorry for the length, but this needs wide circulation----particularly to our "employees" in the Congress.)
Quote of the Day "Once the coffers of the federal government are opened to the public*, there will be no shutting them again." -Grover Cleveland
POST SCRIPT FROM A U.S.CITIZEN.--- Many of us are now in the so called, "Donut hole" with our prescriptions. We paid our money to protect us in our later years, but our people in Washington have elected to give it to the illegal immigrants, How fair can that be?
5.07.2007
5.06.2007
Fw: Worse than Stolen Kidneys???
Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? Hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again.
My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts wouldstay in fashion.
It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upperarms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time . How clever and fiendish.
Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts.
What could they do to me next?
My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using.
You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted," look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs -- and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!
This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
:))
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? Hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again.
My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts wouldstay in fashion.
It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upperarms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time . How clever and fiendish.
Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts.
What could they do to me next?
My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using.
You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted," look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs -- and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!
This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
:))
5.05.2007
5.04.2007
Fw: The Genie
A woman was walking along a deserted beach one day when she saw an old bottle. She picked it up and while she was rubbing the sand off, smoke arose from it and a genie appeared.The amazed woman asked if she got 3 wishes.
The genie said, "Nope, sorry, 3-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one wish genie. So...what'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for 500 years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family.
Doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for ... a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the f____ing map."
5.03.2007
Fw: Pass the Butter!
Pass The Butter ~ ~ ~ ~ This is interesting . . .
Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavorings.
DO YOU KNOW...the difference between margarine and butter? Read on to the end...gets very interesting!
Both have the same amount of calories.Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams.Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.
Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.
Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added!
Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods.
Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.
And now, for Margarine...
Very high in trans fatty acids.
Triple risk of coronary heart disease.
Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and
lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)
Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold.
Lowers quality of breast milk.
Decreases immune response.
Decreases insulin response.And here's the most disturbing fact...
HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING! Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC. This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added,changing the molecular structure of the substance).
You can try this yourself: Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area.Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things:
*no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)
*it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not find a home to grow.
Why? Because it is nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?
Share This With Your Friends.....(If you want to "butter them up")
Chinese Proverb:"When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others."
*Thanks Tammy! Frankfort, Kentucky*
Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavorings.
DO YOU KNOW...the difference between margarine and butter? Read on to the end...gets very interesting!
Both have the same amount of calories.Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams.Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.
Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.
Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added!
Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods.
Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.
And now, for Margarine...
Very high in trans fatty acids.
Triple risk of coronary heart disease.
Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and
lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)
Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold.
Lowers quality of breast milk.
Decreases immune response.
Decreases insulin response.And here's the most disturbing fact...
HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING! Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC. This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added,changing the molecular structure of the substance).
You can try this yourself: Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area.Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things:
*no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)
*it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not find a home to grow.
Why? Because it is nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?
Share This With Your Friends.....(If you want to "butter them up")
Chinese Proverb:"When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others."
*Thanks Tammy! Frankfort, Kentucky*
5.02.2007
Fw: It's Sugar!
Folks: These might be made of cake frosting but who could take a bite? You might appreciate these. Truly amazing and they are made of frosting!
THIS WOMAN IS DEFINITELY TALENTED.....
These are made with marzipan....really unbelievable! While some of the faces may look "crafted" rather than "real", every detail is amazing, and the rest looks VERY real. Be blessed and enjoy the talent given one person by God. 
Definition of Marzipan: Almond paste--a sweet paste made of ground almonds and sugar, often with egg whites or yolks, used as a layer in cakes or molded into ornamental shapes.
UNBELIEVABLE!5.01.2007
Fw: Child Welfare in Kentucky
A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Lexington, Ky. courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the Highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Kentucky Wildcat Basketball team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the Highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Kentucky Wildcat Basketball team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
4.30.2007
Fw: Louisiana Lawyer to Love
Only in Louisiana
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild.. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual Letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"
He got the loan.
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild.. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual Letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"
He got the loan.
4.29.2007
4.28.2007
Fw: Scam of the Day
This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is the funniest clip. I can't tell you what it is but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send it to those 7 people and watch.
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!FRIENDS FOREVER!
Forward this to at least 7 people and see what happens on your screen. You will laugh your head off!!!!!!!!!!!
If you forward it to 7 people a video comes on your screen. This works. I don't know how...but it works.
4.27.2007
Fw: Ever Feel Like This?
Ever feel like this? Today Is National Mental Health day!
You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to an unstable friend.
(Well...my job 's done!)
4.26.2007
4.25.2007
4.24.2007
Subject: Security Alert - Threatening Spam E-mails
Security Alert
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Recently a new scam has appeared in state government e-mail boxes that uses fear rather than greed or sympathy to prey on recipients. The scam e-mail threatens to kill recipients if they do not pay thousands of dollars to the sender, who claims to be a hired assassin. The style and content of these e-mails varies and they are not targeting specific individuals. There have been no reports where the threats were carried out and no reports of money loss. Responding to the e-mail will result in verifying that your e-mail address is active and the sender may then escalate threats or send related spam e-mails.
These spam e-mails may or may not be marked as spam through your spam filter. Users are always advised to delete spam, ideally without opening it.
For more information on this scam, see the FBI report at http://www.fbi.gov/page2/jan07/threat_scam011507.htm.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Recently a new scam has appeared in state government e-mail boxes that uses fear rather than greed or sympathy to prey on recipients. The scam e-mail threatens to kill recipients if they do not pay thousands of dollars to the sender, who claims to be a hired assassin. The style and content of these e-mails varies and they are not targeting specific individuals. There have been no reports where the threats were carried out and no reports of money loss. Responding to the e-mail will result in verifying that your e-mail address is active and the sender may then escalate threats or send related spam e-mails.
These spam e-mails may or may not be marked as spam through your spam filter. Users are always advised to delete spam, ideally without opening it.
For more information on this scam, see the FBI report at http://www.fbi.gov/page2/jan07/threat_scam011507.htm.
4.23.2007
Fwd: Amazing! Driftwood Horses
These ladies build horses out of scrap driftwood they find.....
Not only are they beautiful but they are using what Mother Nature has left behind to create another form of art.
Hope you enjoyed and pass to others......
4.22.2007
How To: Sound Intelligent, etc. etc.
Sound Intelligent, Powerful, Polished, Articulate, and Confident
Do you want to sound intelligent, powerful, polished, articulate and confident? Of course you do! Voice coach Carol Fleming, Ph.D. gave us some great insights based on her years of study and working with thousands of clients.
TO SOUND MORE INTELLIGENT: Speak just a bit slower to allow yourself to select your most appropriate vocabulary and to give the impression of thoughtfulness.
TO SOUND MORE POWERFUL: Use short, simple declarative sentences. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. Cut out any useless connectors, adjectives and adverbs, especially superlatives.
TO SOUND MORE POLISHED: Never answer a question with a blunt 'yes' or 'no.' Append a short phrase of clarification. For example, "No, I did not see it." "Yes, I know Mary."
TO SOUND MORE ARTICULATE: Make a special effort to pronounce the final sound in a word and use its energy to carry over to the following word. Pay special attention to final 't' and 'ng.'
TO SOUND MORE CONFIDENT: Carry your body up. Hold your head as if you had a crown on it. Don't let your arms and legs have side to side motion when you move. Keep your elbows and knees close to the midline of your body.
Do you want to sound intelligent, powerful, polished, articulate and confident? Of course you do! Voice coach Carol Fleming, Ph.D. gave us some great insights based on her years of study and working with thousands of clients.
TO SOUND MORE INTELLIGENT: Speak just a bit slower to allow yourself to select your most appropriate vocabulary and to give the impression of thoughtfulness.
TO SOUND MORE POWERFUL: Use short, simple declarative sentences. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. Cut out any useless connectors, adjectives and adverbs, especially superlatives.
TO SOUND MORE POLISHED: Never answer a question with a blunt 'yes' or 'no.' Append a short phrase of clarification. For example, "No, I did not see it." "Yes, I know Mary."
TO SOUND MORE ARTICULATE: Make a special effort to pronounce the final sound in a word and use its energy to carry over to the following word. Pay special attention to final 't' and 'ng.'
TO SOUND MORE CONFIDENT: Carry your body up. Hold your head as if you had a crown on it. Don't let your arms and legs have side to side motion when you move. Keep your elbows and knees close to the midline of your body.
4.20.2007
Fw: Great Commentary from CBS Sunday Morning
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary:
My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.
She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW." Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. My Best Regards.
Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.
She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW." Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. My Best Regards.
Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
4.18.2007
Fwd: FW: Fwd: Fw: This is a RIOT!
The World's Shortest Fairytale
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.
The End
*Thanks crustybeef! If only fairy tales would come true! crustybeef.blogspot.com*
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.
The End
*Thanks crustybeef! If only fairy tales would come true! crustybeef.blogspot.com*
4.17.2007
Fwd: Achieving Inner Peace
CREATING CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr Phil proclaimed,"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.
"Whatever things are true,
Whatever things are honorable,
Whatever things are just,
Whatever things are pure,
Whatever things are lovely,
Whatever things are of good report,
If there be any virtue,
If there is any praise,
Think on these things." (phil, 4:6)
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr Phil proclaimed,"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.
"Whatever things are true,
Whatever things are honorable,
Whatever things are just,
Whatever things are pure,
Whatever things are lovely,
Whatever things are of good report,
If there be any virtue,
If there is any praise,
Think on these things." (phil, 4:6)
4.16.2007
Fw: Awesome Croc
Disgusting. Croc bites off Tiwanese vet's arm while he was attempting to medicate croc...for more, go to www.swimatyourownrisk.com. 4.15.2007
4.14.2007
Fw: The Mood Ring
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big freakin’ red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
*Thanks Steve! Frankfort, Kentucky*
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big freakin’ red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
*Thanks Steve! Frankfort, Kentucky*
4.13.2007
Red Neck Love Poem
Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, There's trouble still...
You can't marry Will, my gal.,
And please don't tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother
But Mama knew and said, My child,
Just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe
You ain't no kin to Pappy.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, There's trouble still...
You can't marry Will, my gal.,
And please don't tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother
But Mama knew and said, My child,
Just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe
You ain't no kin to Pappy.
4.12.2007
Fw: The helpful bees
It will put a smile on your face...
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I'm out of gas."
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my gas tank"?
Scroll down
Scroll down
Scroll down
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I'm out of gas."
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my gas tank"?
Scroll down
Scroll down
Scroll down
The bee answered, "BP."
*Thanks Nancy! Lexington, Kentucky*
4.11.2007
Fwd: The Cross
The cross is supposed to be swinging when you receive this.
I hope it still is. This is cool - had to pass it on. I think we could all use a miracle. I know I certainly can!!! You are in my 7 in 7 seconds. I am not breaking this. No way! I'M TOLD THIS WORKS!!! Just repeat this prayer and see how God moves!! "Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name. Amen."Share this message with 7 people and you will receive a miracle tomorrow. I Hope that you don't ignore; God bless.
4.10.2007
4.09.2007
Fw: Can You Name All the States?
• Here's a fun online quiz, but before you click this link, you need to know how it works. Once you click though, a 10-minute timer will start, and you'll have that time to type in all 50 state names. Spell them correctly, of course, and hit "enter" after each one. When you've typed them all, or your 10 minutes is up, the game is over. I began by thinking of states that I'd visited or where friends lived, then trying to fill in the rest from my mental map of the country. My husband did it by trying to fill in one complete region of the country completely before moving on to another. However you do it, it's pretty interesting to see what states come first -- and last -- to your mind. Are you ready? GO! (Via Metafilter.)
4.08.2007
4.07.2007
Fw: Colonoscopies
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous . . . A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of all...
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of all...
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
4.06.2007
Fw: Learning to Cuss
A 6 year-old and 4 year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 6 year-old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year-old nods his head in approval. The 6 year -old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.' "
The 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
Whack! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay in there until I let you out."
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
*Thanks for the forward Bronwyn! Frankfort, Kentucky*
"You know what?" says the 6 year-old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year-old nods his head in approval. The 6 year -old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.' "
The 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
Whack! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay in there until I let you out."
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
*Thanks for the forward Bronwyn! Frankfort, Kentucky*
4.05.2007
Fw: Traffic Jam
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside of Washington.
Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon"
*Thanks Richard! Oxford, Mississippi*
Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon"
*Thanks Richard! Oxford, Mississippi*
4.04.2007
Fw: Priceless
Make-up: $75.00Breast implants: $6000.00
Forgetting to tuck in your privates: Priceless
-
*Thanks S.--you dirty perv!; Kentucky*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
