Fw: The Coppertone Girl

Remember that cute little Coppertone girl with her dog pulling on her blue bathing suit bottoms during the late 50's and throughout the 60's?

Well, she's all grown up now and is living in
Venice, Florida, near Venice Beach.

*Scary! Thanks Jeanelle! Frankfort, Kentucky*

Fw: Women's Lies

Women's Lies

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a simple leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When the seamstress cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes!" cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney."

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and is always in the best interest of others.

*Thanks Larry! Baton Rouge, Louisiana*

Fw: I Can Explain Officer...

Police issue Willie Nelson and friends misdemeanor citations for possession of magic mushrooms and a pound and a half of marijuana after pulling over his tour bus on Interstate 10 near Lafayette. Officers report Nelson is cooperative and relaxed...

No kidding.

People Say the Dumbest Things

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

-Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

-Mariah Carey, pop music singer
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

-Brooke Shields, actress, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

-Lee Iacocca
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

-Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

-Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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The Real Desperate House Wives...