Only in Louisiana
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild.. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual Letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"
He got the loan.
Showing posts with label Louisiana Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Louisiana Life. Show all posts
4.30.2007
3.26.2007
Fw: Chocolate City New Orleans High School Math Proficiency Exam...
CHOCOLATE CITY NEW ORLEANS HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
Crib _________________
WHO YO DADDY BE? _________________________
1. Ramone has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramone attempt before he has to reload?
2. Otis has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Rufus pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?
4. Darius wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Tyrone gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes, and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Leroy got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law bitch spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed on the school wall with 3 eight-ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Toby knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Toby knocked up?
9. LaShanda is a lookout for the gang. LaShanda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaShanda makes $700 week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed the Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Joe's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked in the back?
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
Crib _________________
WHO YO DADDY BE? _________________________
1. Ramone has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramone attempt before he has to reload?
2. Otis has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Rufus pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?
4. Darius wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Tyrone gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes, and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Leroy got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law bitch spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed on the school wall with 3 eight-ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Toby knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Toby knocked up?
9. LaShanda is a lookout for the gang. LaShanda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaShanda makes $700 week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed the Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Joe's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked in the back?
2.21.2007
Subject: CDC ALERT: New Disease
New STD strain appears in New Orleans...
ATLANTA. The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans. The disease is contracted through ignorance coupled with dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectem and pronounced "gonna re-lect em." Many victims have contracted it and keep screwing themselves year after year.
The strain first appeared in early 2006 when Mayor Nagin was returned to the mayor's office. The current strain surfaced again this past fall when William Jefferson won the runoff election. The Center for Disease Control has issued a severe warning this past week that there is danger this strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans may be in the process of mutating and infect the entire State of Louisiana by early fall, just in time for the Governor's election.
ATLANTA. The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans. The disease is contracted through ignorance coupled with dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectem and pronounced "gonna re-lect em." Many victims have contracted it and keep screwing themselves year after year.
The strain first appeared in early 2006 when Mayor Nagin was returned to the mayor's office. The current strain surfaced again this past fall when William Jefferson won the runoff election. The Center for Disease Control has issued a severe warning this past week that there is danger this strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans may be in the process of mutating and infect the entire State of Louisiana by early fall, just in time for the Governor's election.
2.20.2007
Fw: The History of Mardi Gras
Happy Happy Mardi Gras Y'all!
xoxo, Leigh
The celebration of Mardi Gras came to North America from France where it had been celebrated since the Middle Ages. In 1699, French explorer Iberville and his men explored the Mississippi River from the Gulf of Mexico. On a spot 60 miles south of the present location of New Orleans, they set up camp on the river’s West Bank. Knowing that the day, March 3, was being celebrated as a major holiday in Paris, they christened the site Point du Mardi Gras.-
But Mardi Gras’ roots predate the French. Many see a relationship to the ancient tribal rituals of fertility that welcomed the arrival of Spring. A possible ancestor of the celebration was the Lupercalia, a circus-like orgy held in mid-February in Rome. The early Church fathers, realizing that it was impossible to divorce their new converts from their pagan customs, decided instead to direct them into Christian channels. Thus Carnival was created as a period of merriment that would serve as a prelude to the penitential season of Lent...
-
For more history and information, just click: Arthur Hardy's Mardi Gras Guide--the foremost authority on Mardi Gras!
2.07.2007
Subject: FYI: Louisiana
Just in case Hurricane Katrina causing the levees to break in New Orleans is the only thing you know about Louisiana, read the following to learn a few more facts:
The Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans is the largest enclosed stadium in the world.
The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway is the longest over-water bridge in the world at 23.87 miles.
Baton Rouge was the site of the only American Revolution battle outside the 13 colonies.
The formal transfer of the Louisiana Purchase was made at the Cabildo in New Orleans on December 20, 1803.
Louisiana's 6.5 million acres of wetlands are the greatest in the nation.
The staircase at Chretien Point, in Sunset, was copied after Tara in "Gone With the Wind".
Tabasco holds the second oldest food trademark in the U.S. Patent Office.
Steen's Syrup Mill is the world's largest syrup plant, producing sugar cane syrup.
America's oldest rice mill is the KONRIKO Co. in New Iberia.
The International Joke Telling Contest is held annually in Opelousas.
The Louisiana Hayri de radio show helped Hank Williams, Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash achieve stardom. It was broadcast from KWKH Radio in Shreveport from 1948.
So there!! Now you know the rest of the story!!!!
*Thanks for reminding me of home Taylor! Baton Rouge, Louisiana*
The Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans is the largest enclosed stadium in the world.The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway is the longest over-water bridge in the world at 23.87 miles.
Baton Rouge was the site of the only American Revolution battle outside the 13 colonies.
The formal transfer of the Louisiana Purchase was made at the Cabildo in New Orleans on December 20, 1803.
Louisiana's 6.5 million acres of wetlands are the greatest in the nation.
The oldest City in the Louisiana Purchase Territory is Natchitoches, founded in 1714.
The first bottler of Coca-Cola, Joseph Biedenharn, lived in Monroe, La.
Delta Airlines got its start in Monroe.
Louisiana is the No. 1 producer of crawfish, alligators and shallots in the nation.
Louisiana produces 24 percent of the nation's salt, the most in the country.
Much of the world's food and oil passes through the Port of Orleans.
Louisiana has the tallest state Capitol in the nation at 450 feet.
The staircase at Chretien Point, in Sunset, was copied after Tara in "Gone With the Wind".
Tabasco holds the second oldest food trademark in the U.S. Patent Office.
Steen's Syrup Mill is the world's largest syrup plant, producing sugar cane syrup.
America's oldest rice mill is the KONRIKO Co. in New Iberia.
The International Joke Telling Contest is held annually in Opelousas.
The Louisiana Hayri de radio show helped Hank Williams, Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash achieve stardom. It was broadcast from KWKH Radio in Shreveport from 1948.
So there!! Now you know the rest of the story!!!!
*Thanks for reminding me of home Taylor! Baton Rouge, Louisiana*
1.14.2007
New Orleans Humor
Caller to 911: "My friend just had a heart attack and he's unconscious! Please send an ambulance immediately!"
Operator: "Ok sir, just calm down now and we'll have an ambulance on the way. What is the address?"
Caller: "456 Tchoupitoulas Street!"
Operator: "Could you spell that for me sir?"
Caller: ... long pause ... "How about if I drag him over to Camp?"
*Thanks Cathy! Fayetteville, Georgia*
Operator: "Ok sir, just calm down now and we'll have an ambulance on the way. What is the address?"
Caller: "456 Tchoupitoulas Street!"
Operator: "Could you spell that for me sir?"
Caller: ... long pause ... "How about if I drag him over to Camp?"
*Thanks Cathy! Fayetteville, Georgia*
12.19.2006
Villere Congratulates Blanco for NOT Contacting Sugar Bowl
(Baton Rouge) - Roger Villere Jr., Chairman of the Republican Party of Louisiana, today formally issued a statement of appreciation to Governor Kathleen Blanco for not contacting the Sugar Bowl to secure an invitation for the LSU Tigers.
“On behalf of LSU fans everywhere, I want to extend my thanks to Governor Kathleen Blanco for not contacting the Sugar Bowl,” Villere said. “According to newspaper reports, the Governor contacted the Rose and Orange Bowls to secure an invitation for LSU and we obviously won’t be playing in either of those contests,” Villere said.
“I fear what might have happened had she called someone in New Orleans at the Sugar Bowl Committee,” he said. “A few more calls by Blanco and the Tigers may have been headed out of the BCS entirely,” Villere said.
Villere suggested that the Governor might adopt slightly different priorities, “The Governor should consider spending more time on the LRA instead of trying to help with LSU’s bowl game. She has already botched the Road Home Program, please leave LSU football alone.”
(Baton Rouge) - Roger Villere Jr., Chairman of the Republican Party of Louisiana, today formally issued a statement of appreciation to Governor Kathleen Blanco for not contacting the Sugar Bowl to secure an invitation for the LSU Tigers.
“On behalf of LSU fans everywhere, I want to extend my thanks to Governor Kathleen Blanco for not contacting the Sugar Bowl,” Villere said. “According to newspaper reports, the Governor contacted the Rose and Orange Bowls to secure an invitation for LSU and we obviously won’t be playing in either of those contests,” Villere said.
“I fear what might have happened had she called someone in New Orleans at the Sugar Bowl Committee,” he said. “A few more calls by Blanco and the Tigers may have been headed out of the BCS entirely,” Villere said.
Villere suggested that the Governor might adopt slightly different priorities, “The Governor should consider spending more time on the LRA instead of trying to help with LSU’s bowl game. She has already botched the Road Home Program, please leave LSU football alone.”
GEAUX TIGERS!11.21.2006
Boudreaux's Snake Smarts
SNAKE SMARTS
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outtanight crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decides to steal dat froggie.
Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin, so Boudreaux had to be real careful or he'd get bit. He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him, hada real good grip on his haid, yeh.
Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a Tennessee hillbilly moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs rollback in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou, den he goes back to fish'n.
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dere be dat cotton moufed water moccasin, wif two more frogs.
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outtanight crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decides to steal dat froggie.
Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin, so Boudreaux had to be real careful or he'd get bit. He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him, hada real good grip on his haid, yeh.
Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a Tennessee hillbilly moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs rollback in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou, den he goes back to fish'n.
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dere be dat cotton moufed water moccasin, wif two more frogs.
11.12.2006
11.03.2006
10.08.2006
The LSU Fan
An LSU fan used to amuse himself by scaring every opponent fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their obnoxious blue and orange colors. He would swerve his car as if to hit them, and then he would swerve back on the road just before hitting them.
One day, as the LSU fan was driving along, he saw a priest walking on the side of the road. He thought he would do a good thing and pull over to offer him a ride. He asked the priest "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Joseph's Church, about five miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"
The priest climbed into the back seat, and the LSU fan continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw an opposing team fan strutting down the side of the road, and instinctively, he swerved as if to hit him. But as usual, just in time, he swerved back to the road, barely missing the guy.
Even though he was certain he missed the guy, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, but he didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest in the back seat, and turned to say "I'm sorry, Father, I almost hit that Auburn fan."
"That's OK" replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
One day, as the LSU fan was driving along, he saw a priest walking on the side of the road. He thought he would do a good thing and pull over to offer him a ride. He asked the priest "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Joseph's Church, about five miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"
The priest climbed into the back seat, and the LSU fan continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw an opposing team fan strutting down the side of the road, and instinctively, he swerved as if to hit him. But as usual, just in time, he swerved back to the road, barely missing the guy.
Even though he was certain he missed the guy, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, but he didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest in the back seat, and turned to say "I'm sorry, Father, I almost hit that Auburn fan."
"That's OK" replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
8.29.2006
8.22.2006
Boudreaux, the Catholic
Boudreaux jokes are a staple in Louisiana and the deep South. Enjoy his antics--between Boudreaux, Blonde and lawyer jokes, I've got forwards for a lifetime!
xo, L
Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, living in South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.
Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic...and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."
Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched.
There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted:
"You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish..."
xo, L
Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, living in South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.
Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic...and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."
Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched.
There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted:
"You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish..."
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