Fw: Ever Feel Like This?

Ever feel like this?


Today Is National Mental Health day!
You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to an unstable friend.
(Well...my job 's done!)

Fw: Awesome Croc

Disgusting. Croc bites off Tiwanese vet's arm while he was attempting to medicate croc...for more, go to www.swimatyourownrisk.com.

Fw: Horror Movie

FW: Fw: Barking Flowers

Fw: Easter is...

This is funny... in a sick and twisted way! Enjoy! xo, Leigh

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Oops. Easter is obviously cancelled...

*Thanks Richard! Happy Easter to you too! Oxford, Mississippi*

Fw: Two Choices...

Life decisions that people have to make are never simple. The importance of the initial decision should always be examined over the long run. Memories made and cherished are sure to be tempered along the way. Consider the following two choices...

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Should I get a Dog ....

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Or have children?

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*Tough decision! Thanks Jeaneen! Baton Rouge, Louisiana*

FW: Sleeping positions after drinking too much

The Way you Sleep...

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After two Beers:

After three glasses of Wine:

After four Kamikazes:

After a few shared bottles of wine:

After a few Margaritas:

After 2 bottles of Jack Daniels:

And after an evening of two beers, three wines, four kamikazes, margaritas and that bottle of Jack shared with those friends in Mexico...

*Thanks Bronwyn! Frankfort, Kentucky*

Fw: The Cat

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One...You don't even have to like them to appreciate this one!

"We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night-light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked-I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'

The cab driver hit a parked car...."

*Thanks Anne! Lexington, Kentucky*

Sniffer the Drug Dog

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he is a DEA agent And that the dog is a "sniffing dog". His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says: "Watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search".

Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.
The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says:

"That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seatnumber and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

"Say, that's pretty neat" replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles.

The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds,
returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm.

The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."

I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place.

The first man is really grossed out by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asks the agent "What's going on?"

The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb."

How to Solve a Squirrel Problem

There were Five country churches in a small TEXAS town:

The Presbyterian Church,
The Baptist Church,
The Methodist Church,
The Catholic Church, and
The Jewish Synagogue.

Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels .

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will...

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

*Thanks Nancy! Lexington, Kentucky*

Toilet Cleaning Instructions

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse."

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely, The Dog

More Animal Antics

I would think twice before getting naked and hosing down a cat in the shower. They have claws you know...

A little privacy please?

That's going to hurt...

Friendship, Kids & Puppies--Oh My!

A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift

A friend is someone we treasure for our friendship is a gift ...

A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace.

And makes the world we live in a better and happier place.

There is a miracle called friendship, that dwells in the heart. You do not know how it happens or when it gets it's start.

But you know the special lift it always brings.

You realize that friendship is the world's most precious gift!

Send this to all your friends, no matter how often you talk, or how close you are, and send it to the person who sent it to you. Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will. Remember, everyone needs a friend, someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this e-card and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and always will.

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AND THE BEST ONE:

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Baptist Dog

Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife.

"Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

"Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible on the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed.

One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?"

"I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog."HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.

The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal!"

Keep Laughing: The Purina Diet

"I have a Golden Retriever and I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart and in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awoke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that by now practically everyone in line was enthralled by my story, particularly the guy behind the woman asking stupid questions.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I'd been poisoned.

I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door..."

Deer Hunting Florida Style...

These photos were taken by a KTBS helicopter

flying over Lake George!

(For those of you who are not local,

this Lake George is in Ocala, Florida ).

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That has to be one HUGE gator...

...to have a whole deer in its mouth!

Are you ready to go water skiing on Lake George? in Florida?

Why our pets turn against us--Vol. III

Why our pets turn against us--Vol. II