Only in Louisiana
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild.. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual Letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"
He got the loan.
4.30.2007
4.29.2007
4.28.2007
Fw: Scam of the Day
This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is the funniest clip. I can't tell you what it is but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send it to those 7 people and watch.
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!FRIENDS FOREVER!
Forward this to at least 7 people and see what happens on your screen. You will laugh your head off!!!!!!!!!!!
If you forward it to 7 people a video comes on your screen. This works. I don't know how...but it works.
4.27.2007
Fw: Ever Feel Like This?
Ever feel like this? Today Is National Mental Health day!
You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to an unstable friend.
(Well...my job 's done!)
4.26.2007
4.25.2007
4.24.2007
Subject: Security Alert - Threatening Spam E-mails
Security Alert
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Recently a new scam has appeared in state government e-mail boxes that uses fear rather than greed or sympathy to prey on recipients. The scam e-mail threatens to kill recipients if they do not pay thousands of dollars to the sender, who claims to be a hired assassin. The style and content of these e-mails varies and they are not targeting specific individuals. There have been no reports where the threats were carried out and no reports of money loss. Responding to the e-mail will result in verifying that your e-mail address is active and the sender may then escalate threats or send related spam e-mails.
These spam e-mails may or may not be marked as spam through your spam filter. Users are always advised to delete spam, ideally without opening it.
For more information on this scam, see the FBI report at http://www.fbi.gov/page2/jan07/threat_scam011507.htm.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Recently a new scam has appeared in state government e-mail boxes that uses fear rather than greed or sympathy to prey on recipients. The scam e-mail threatens to kill recipients if they do not pay thousands of dollars to the sender, who claims to be a hired assassin. The style and content of these e-mails varies and they are not targeting specific individuals. There have been no reports where the threats were carried out and no reports of money loss. Responding to the e-mail will result in verifying that your e-mail address is active and the sender may then escalate threats or send related spam e-mails.
These spam e-mails may or may not be marked as spam through your spam filter. Users are always advised to delete spam, ideally without opening it.
For more information on this scam, see the FBI report at http://www.fbi.gov/page2/jan07/threat_scam011507.htm.
4.23.2007
Fwd: Amazing! Driftwood Horses
These ladies build horses out of scrap driftwood they find.....
Not only are they beautiful but they are using what Mother Nature has left behind to create another form of art.
Hope you enjoyed and pass to others......
4.22.2007
How To: Sound Intelligent, etc. etc.
Sound Intelligent, Powerful, Polished, Articulate, and Confident
Do you want to sound intelligent, powerful, polished, articulate and confident? Of course you do! Voice coach Carol Fleming, Ph.D. gave us some great insights based on her years of study and working with thousands of clients.
TO SOUND MORE INTELLIGENT: Speak just a bit slower to allow yourself to select your most appropriate vocabulary and to give the impression of thoughtfulness.
TO SOUND MORE POWERFUL: Use short, simple declarative sentences. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. Cut out any useless connectors, adjectives and adverbs, especially superlatives.
TO SOUND MORE POLISHED: Never answer a question with a blunt 'yes' or 'no.' Append a short phrase of clarification. For example, "No, I did not see it." "Yes, I know Mary."
TO SOUND MORE ARTICULATE: Make a special effort to pronounce the final sound in a word and use its energy to carry over to the following word. Pay special attention to final 't' and 'ng.'
TO SOUND MORE CONFIDENT: Carry your body up. Hold your head as if you had a crown on it. Don't let your arms and legs have side to side motion when you move. Keep your elbows and knees close to the midline of your body.
Do you want to sound intelligent, powerful, polished, articulate and confident? Of course you do! Voice coach Carol Fleming, Ph.D. gave us some great insights based on her years of study and working with thousands of clients.
TO SOUND MORE INTELLIGENT: Speak just a bit slower to allow yourself to select your most appropriate vocabulary and to give the impression of thoughtfulness.
TO SOUND MORE POWERFUL: Use short, simple declarative sentences. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. Cut out any useless connectors, adjectives and adverbs, especially superlatives.
TO SOUND MORE POLISHED: Never answer a question with a blunt 'yes' or 'no.' Append a short phrase of clarification. For example, "No, I did not see it." "Yes, I know Mary."
TO SOUND MORE ARTICULATE: Make a special effort to pronounce the final sound in a word and use its energy to carry over to the following word. Pay special attention to final 't' and 'ng.'
TO SOUND MORE CONFIDENT: Carry your body up. Hold your head as if you had a crown on it. Don't let your arms and legs have side to side motion when you move. Keep your elbows and knees close to the midline of your body.
4.20.2007
Fw: Great Commentary from CBS Sunday Morning
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary:
My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.
She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW." Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. My Best Regards.
Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.
She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW." Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. My Best Regards.
Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
4.18.2007
Fwd: FW: Fwd: Fw: This is a RIOT!
The World's Shortest Fairytale
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.
The End
*Thanks crustybeef! If only fairy tales would come true! crustybeef.blogspot.com*
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.
The End
*Thanks crustybeef! If only fairy tales would come true! crustybeef.blogspot.com*
4.17.2007
Fwd: Achieving Inner Peace
CREATING CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr Phil proclaimed,"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.
"Whatever things are true,
Whatever things are honorable,
Whatever things are just,
Whatever things are pure,
Whatever things are lovely,
Whatever things are of good report,
If there be any virtue,
If there is any praise,
Think on these things." (phil, 4:6)
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr Phil proclaimed,"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.
"Whatever things are true,
Whatever things are honorable,
Whatever things are just,
Whatever things are pure,
Whatever things are lovely,
Whatever things are of good report,
If there be any virtue,
If there is any praise,
Think on these things." (phil, 4:6)
4.16.2007
Fw: Awesome Croc
Disgusting. Croc bites off Tiwanese vet's arm while he was attempting to medicate croc...for more, go to www.swimatyourownrisk.com. 4.15.2007
4.14.2007
Fw: The Mood Ring
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big freakin’ red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
*Thanks Steve! Frankfort, Kentucky*
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big freakin’ red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
*Thanks Steve! Frankfort, Kentucky*
4.13.2007
Red Neck Love Poem
Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, There's trouble still...
You can't marry Will, my gal.,
And please don't tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother
But Mama knew and said, My child,
Just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe
You ain't no kin to Pappy.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, There's trouble still...
You can't marry Will, my gal.,
And please don't tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother
But Mama knew and said, My child,
Just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe
You ain't no kin to Pappy.
4.12.2007
Fw: The helpful bees
It will put a smile on your face...
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I'm out of gas."
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my gas tank"?
Scroll down
Scroll down
Scroll down
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I'm out of gas."
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my gas tank"?
Scroll down
Scroll down
Scroll down
The bee answered, "BP."
*Thanks Nancy! Lexington, Kentucky*
4.11.2007
Fwd: The Cross
The cross is supposed to be swinging when you receive this.
I hope it still is. This is cool - had to pass it on. I think we could all use a miracle. I know I certainly can!!! You are in my 7 in 7 seconds. I am not breaking this. No way! I'M TOLD THIS WORKS!!! Just repeat this prayer and see how God moves!! "Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name. Amen."Share this message with 7 people and you will receive a miracle tomorrow. I Hope that you don't ignore; God bless.
4.10.2007
4.09.2007
Fw: Can You Name All the States?
• Here's a fun online quiz, but before you click this link, you need to know how it works. Once you click though, a 10-minute timer will start, and you'll have that time to type in all 50 state names. Spell them correctly, of course, and hit "enter" after each one. When you've typed them all, or your 10 minutes is up, the game is over. I began by thinking of states that I'd visited or where friends lived, then trying to fill in the rest from my mental map of the country. My husband did it by trying to fill in one complete region of the country completely before moving on to another. However you do it, it's pretty interesting to see what states come first -- and last -- to your mind. Are you ready? GO! (Via Metafilter.)
4.08.2007
4.07.2007
Fw: Colonoscopies
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous . . . A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of all...
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of all...
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
4.06.2007
Fw: Learning to Cuss
A 6 year-old and 4 year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 6 year-old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year-old nods his head in approval. The 6 year -old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.' "
The 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
Whack! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay in there until I let you out."
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
*Thanks for the forward Bronwyn! Frankfort, Kentucky*
"You know what?" says the 6 year-old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year-old nods his head in approval. The 6 year -old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.' "
The 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
Whack! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay in there until I let you out."
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
*Thanks for the forward Bronwyn! Frankfort, Kentucky*
4.05.2007
Fw: Traffic Jam
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside of Washington.
Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon"
*Thanks Richard! Oxford, Mississippi*
Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon"
*Thanks Richard! Oxford, Mississippi*
4.04.2007
Fw: Priceless
Make-up: $75.00Breast implants: $6000.00
Forgetting to tuck in your privates: Priceless
-
*Thanks S.--you dirty perv!; Kentucky*
4.03.2007
Fw: Hello Officer
Hope you are having a good day. How true is this little story! I think we can all relate to this, if you are on the road much, you surely have seen it happen.
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker, And the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car."
Priceless.
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker, And the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car."
Priceless.
4.02.2007
4.01.2007
Fw: Easter is...
This is funny... in a sick and twisted way! Enjoy! xo, Leigh
-
Oops. Easter is obviously cancelled...
*Thanks Richard! Happy Easter to you too! Oxford, Mississippi*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
