10.14.2006
10.13.2006
Lizard Birthing
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious dad, can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, " come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged.
"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced.
"We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um.... um.... masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just... just... excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle.
And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just... that... I'm picturing you pulling on its... its... teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea,"
Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
1 - Lizards - $140...
2 - Cage - $50...
3 - Trip to the Vet - $30...
4 - Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie..... Priceless
Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious dad, can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, " come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged.
"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced.
"We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um.... um.... masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just... just... excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle.
And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just... that... I'm picturing you pulling on its... its... teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea,"
Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
1 - Lizards - $140...
2 - Cage - $50...
3 - Trip to the Vet - $30...
4 - Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie..... Priceless
Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs
10.12.2006
10.11.2006
Something Cool Xerox is Doing...
If you go to this website, www.letssaythanks.com, you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services.
How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!!
This is a great site. Please send a card. It is FREE and it only takes a second.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our guys and gals over there need to know we are behind them...
How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!!
This is a great site. Please send a card. It is FREE and it only takes a second.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our guys and gals over there need to know we are behind them...
10.10.2006
God Bless Daddy
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy,
God bless Daddy,
God bless Grandma and
Good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
"God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy and
Good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and
Good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."
"God bless Mommy,
God bless Daddy,
God bless Grandma and
Good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
"God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy and
Good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and
Good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."
10.09.2006
10.08.2006
The LSU Fan
An LSU fan used to amuse himself by scaring every opponent fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their obnoxious blue and orange colors. He would swerve his car as if to hit them, and then he would swerve back on the road just before hitting them.
One day, as the LSU fan was driving along, he saw a priest walking on the side of the road. He thought he would do a good thing and pull over to offer him a ride. He asked the priest "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Joseph's Church, about five miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"
The priest climbed into the back seat, and the LSU fan continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw an opposing team fan strutting down the side of the road, and instinctively, he swerved as if to hit him. But as usual, just in time, he swerved back to the road, barely missing the guy.
Even though he was certain he missed the guy, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, but he didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest in the back seat, and turned to say "I'm sorry, Father, I almost hit that Auburn fan."
"That's OK" replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
One day, as the LSU fan was driving along, he saw a priest walking on the side of the road. He thought he would do a good thing and pull over to offer him a ride. He asked the priest "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Joseph's Church, about five miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"
The priest climbed into the back seat, and the LSU fan continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw an opposing team fan strutting down the side of the road, and instinctively, he swerved as if to hit him. But as usual, just in time, he swerved back to the road, barely missing the guy.
Even though he was certain he missed the guy, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, but he didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest in the back seat, and turned to say "I'm sorry, Father, I almost hit that Auburn fan."
"That's OK" replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
10.07.2006
AFLAC Insurance Scam
Seems the BBB got a complaint the other day about a scam that AFLAC was taking advantage of women on the street and stealing their money. Now we all at one time thought that an INSURANCE Company has stolen from us, however this scam is netting COLD HARD CASH from unsuspecting individuals.
The way it works is the thief uses children to distract the target. While admiring the cuteness of the kids they are robbed of their cash and never know what hit them.
I'm sending this out for all to be aware that this is happening and it's right out on the streets where the general public is. A passer by with a digital camera phone happened to capture the photo below.
Review it carefully and use caution when distractions like this come along.
Good Luck! Don't say you weren't warned . . . .
The way it works is the thief uses children to distract the target. While admiring the cuteness of the kids they are robbed of their cash and never know what hit them.
I'm sending this out for all to be aware that this is happening and it's right out on the streets where the general public is. A passer by with a digital camera phone happened to capture the photo below.
Review it carefully and use caution when distractions like this come along.
Good Luck! Don't say you weren't warned . . . .
10.06.2006
Courtroom Quotes
OLD QUOTES THAT HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR BEFORE, BUT STILL FUNNY. QUOTES FROM ACTUAL COURT TRANSCRIPTS...
---
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
---
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
---
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
---
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or 35, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
---
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
---
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
---
ATTORNEY: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the Bar exam?
---
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 21-year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's 21.
---
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
---
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh......
---
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
---
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
---
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
---
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
Deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
---
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
---
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8.30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on a table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
---
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
---
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
---
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
---
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
---
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or 35, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
---
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
---
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
---
ATTORNEY: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the Bar exam?
---
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 21-year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's 21.
---
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
---
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh......
---
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
---
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
---
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
---
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
Deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
---
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
---
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8.30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on a table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
---
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
10.05.2006
Fw: Girlfriend & Sister's Week!
Girlfriend and Sister's Week!
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have. To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you!
National Girlfriends DayWhat would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and shopping, lunching, and travelling girls? Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake! TO MY GIRLFRIENDS! If you get this twice you know you have more than one girlfriend. Be Happy! PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND RETURN IT TO THE FRIEND WHO SENT IT TO YOU!
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Send this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!!!!
10.04.2006
Halloween Moon
OHHH NOOO!!
There are witches in my mailbox.
There are witches in my mailbox.
What am I to do?
I found them there this morning,
doing things they shouldn't do!!
How the witches got there,
I haven't got a clue.
But they won't be there much longer
because I'm sending them toYOU!!!!!!
You've been Witch Kissed!
Before the warts begin to spread,
pass the kisses on instead!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
10.03.2006
Fw: Tips for Women
THIS IS NOT A JOKE
Crucial Because of recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...
This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat B..) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably ! in a zig-zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.
Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby ---- This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana.
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.
Crucial Because of recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...
This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat B..) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably ! in a zig-zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.
Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby ---- This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana.
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.
10.02.2006
Friendship Week My Arse
Obviously every week is "Friendship Week" considering how often I get some version of this forward...
xoxo, L
A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever...and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said...
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die...
SO NOW I WILL SAY:
I like you because of who you are to me...A true friend.
And if I don't get this back I'll take the hint.
Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you.
Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00 PM tomorrow.
It could be anywhere -- AOL, Yahoo, outside of work, anywhere.
Get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
Please send to 15 people in 15 minutes.
Remember:
"A good friend will come bail you out of jail....
But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying WE screwed up! "
Proud to be your Friend!
Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence, and don't skip ahead.
I've Learned:
I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned...that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned...that money doesn't buy class.
I've learned...that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned...that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day.
What makes me think I can?
I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned...that the less time I have to work, the more things I get done.
To all of you...make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.
It's National Friendship Week.
Show your friends how much you care.
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you.
If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.
HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!!!!!
YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I am honored.
xoxo, L
A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever...and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said...
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die...
SO NOW I WILL SAY:
I like you because of who you are to me...A true friend.
And if I don't get this back I'll take the hint.
Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you.
Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00 PM tomorrow.
It could be anywhere -- AOL, Yahoo, outside of work, anywhere.
Get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
Please send to 15 people in 15 minutes.
Remember:
"A good friend will come bail you out of jail....
But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying WE screwed up! "
Proud to be your Friend!
Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence, and don't skip ahead.
I've Learned:
I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned...that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned...that money doesn't buy class.
I've learned...that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned...that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day.
What makes me think I can?
I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned...that the less time I have to work, the more things I get done.
To all of you...make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.
It's National Friendship Week.
Show your friends how much you care.
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you.
If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.
HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!!!!!
YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I am honored.
10.01.2006
9.30.2006
Aunt Karen
Subject: Aunt Karen
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
"Tony, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking."
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
"Tony, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking."
9.29.2006
Northern v. Southern Football
Planning for the Fall Football Season
Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip to the South, here are some helpful hints.
Women's Accessories
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Fathers
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
Campus Decor
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Heroes
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson
Getting Tickets
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.
Monday Classes After a Saturday Game
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have to prepare for classes on Monday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Monday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.
Tailgating
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
Concessions
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
When National Anthem is played
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of themstand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
The Smell in the Air after the First Score
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
Commentary (Male)
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his Legs..."
Commentary (Female)
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch tackle him and break his legs."
Announcers
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
After the Game
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.
Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip to the South, here are some helpful hints.
Women's Accessories
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Fathers
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
Campus Decor
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Heroes
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson
Getting Tickets
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.
Monday Classes After a Saturday Game
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have to prepare for classes on Monday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Monday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.
Tailgating
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
Concessions
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
When National Anthem is played
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of themstand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
The Smell in the Air after the First Score
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
Commentary (Male)
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his Legs..."
Commentary (Female)
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch tackle him and break his legs."
Announcers
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
After the Game
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.
9.28.2006
Stress Management
In case you've had a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works...
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world."
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. Bubbles slowly float to the surface creating a gentle gurgling sound.
7. The water is crystal clear.
8. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater...
See! You're smiling already.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world."
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. Bubbles slowly float to the surface creating a gentle gurgling sound.
7. The water is crystal clear.
8. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater...
See! You're smiling already.
9.27.2006
50 Questions
This is what you are supposed to do, and try not to be LAME and spoil the fun! Just give in and do it. Copy, not forward, this entire e-mail and paste it into a new email. Change all the answers so that they apply to you then send this to a whole bunch of people you know *including* the person who sent it to you. Put your last name in the subject. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. It is a fun and easy 50 questions to answer.
1. FIRST NAME? None of your business
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My grandmother, her grandmother, etc. etc.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Tuesday morning.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It's okay.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Honey ham?
6. KIDS? Not yet. Maybe never.
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Maybe. I'm a tad moody.
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Occasionally.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Moi? Never.
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No. They left me for being moody.
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes, but really want to go sky diving more.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Don't eat much cereal. Like Cream of Wheat in the winter.
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes.
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically, no, but don't underestimate the power of adrenaline. Emotionally, yes.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Haagen Daz Coffee, hands down.
16. SHOE SIZE? 7.5-8
17. RED OR PINK? Red
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Thighs & nose. It's a tie.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandparents & Barkleigh, my yorkie.
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Of Course!
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Wearing a brown tweed skirt & brown leather spectator pumps
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? radio in my office & construction workers clomping around in architecture firm upstairs.
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? No idea.
25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? T's ancient polo cologne (reminds me of when we first met); warm baking bread, my mom's fudge in the oven...
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Mum.
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Eyes.
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes!
29. FAVORITE DRINK: Iced chai with skim milk. Green tea with lemon.
30. FAVORITE SPORT? LSU & UK football; tennis; golf
31. HAIR COLOR? Dark Blond
32. EYE COLOR? Blue
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Had them since I was 7. I'm legally blind without them.
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy endings.
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? "North Country" on HBO.
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Brown sweater to match tweed skirt & pumps.
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer. Raised in the heat and I like it that way.
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses.
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Key Lime Pie (summer) or warm bread pudding--NO raisins!!! (winter)
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? "The Judgment of Paris" by Ross King (about the birth of Impressionism)
44. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Tulane Alum Assn.
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Don't remember. Couldn't have been that good, as I fell asleep watching it.
46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND? Waves crashing on shore.
47. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Rolling Stones (Going to see them at Churchill Downs this Friday!!! Yeah!)
48. THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Copenhagen, Denmark but this is a trick question, as Denmark was home for a few years...
49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I'm not only an attorney and a calligrapher; I'm also a smart-ass.
1. FIRST NAME? None of your business
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My grandmother, her grandmother, etc. etc.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Tuesday morning.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It's okay.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Honey ham?
6. KIDS? Not yet. Maybe never.
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Maybe. I'm a tad moody.
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Occasionally.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Moi? Never.
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No. They left me for being moody.
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes, but really want to go sky diving more.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Don't eat much cereal. Like Cream of Wheat in the winter.
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes.
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically, no, but don't underestimate the power of adrenaline. Emotionally, yes.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Haagen Daz Coffee, hands down.
16. SHOE SIZE? 7.5-8
17. RED OR PINK? Red
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Thighs & nose. It's a tie.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandparents & Barkleigh, my yorkie.
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Of Course!
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Wearing a brown tweed skirt & brown leather spectator pumps
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? radio in my office & construction workers clomping around in architecture firm upstairs.
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? No idea.
25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? T's ancient polo cologne (reminds me of when we first met); warm baking bread, my mom's fudge in the oven...
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Mum.
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Eyes.
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes!
29. FAVORITE DRINK: Iced chai with skim milk. Green tea with lemon.
30. FAVORITE SPORT? LSU & UK football; tennis; golf
31. HAIR COLOR? Dark Blond
32. EYE COLOR? Blue
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Had them since I was 7. I'm legally blind without them.
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy endings.
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? "North Country" on HBO.
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Brown sweater to match tweed skirt & pumps.
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer. Raised in the heat and I like it that way.
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses.
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Key Lime Pie (summer) or warm bread pudding--NO raisins!!! (winter)
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? "The Judgment of Paris" by Ross King (about the birth of Impressionism)
44. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Tulane Alum Assn.
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Don't remember. Couldn't have been that good, as I fell asleep watching it.
46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND? Waves crashing on shore.
47. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Rolling Stones (Going to see them at Churchill Downs this Friday!!! Yeah!)
48. THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Copenhagen, Denmark but this is a trick question, as Denmark was home for a few years...
49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I'm not only an attorney and a calligrapher; I'm also a smart-ass.
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