There are five people on a plane: a pilot, the President, a smart lady, an old man, and a school kid. The plane they are in is about to crash. Just as they were about to jump, they realized there were only four parachutes on the plane.
The President says: "Hey,I am the President so I should take the parachute." Then he jumps out of the plane.
The pilot says: "Come on I'm the one flying this plane so I should take the last parachute." Then he left the plane.
Now there are only three people left. The smart lady, the school kid, and the old man. The smart lady says: "Hey I'm the smart lady, so I should get the parachute." The smart lady knocks the kid down, takes the parachute and jumps out of the plane.
The old man: "I don't have much time to live so I want the last parachute."
The school kid says: "We can both get out with a parachute."
The old man says: "How do you figure that?"
The school kid says: "Because the smart lady took my backpack."
3.10.2007
3.09.2007
Fw: Bush joke
President Bush was feeling bad about how dumb everyone thinks he is. So one day he called his friend Queen Elizabeth and told her about his feelings. She replied that if he wanted to be smart he needed to hang around smart people. Listen she said as she called Tony Blair.
She told him, "Your mother and father had a baby, its not your brother or your sister, so who is it?"
Tony Blair replies, "It's me."
So bush hangs up and calls Cheney and asks him. "Your mother and father has a baby, its not your brother or your sister, who is it?"
Cheny tells Bush, "I'll call you back."
So Cheney hangs up and calls Colen Powell and asks him. "Your mother and father has a baby, its not your brother or your sister, who is it?" Powell tells Cheney, "It's me."
So Cheny calls Bush and said, "It's Powell." Bush tells him, "No you idiot--it's Tony Blair. HEHE."
She told him, "Your mother and father had a baby, its not your brother or your sister, so who is it?"
Tony Blair replies, "It's me."
So bush hangs up and calls Cheney and asks him. "Your mother and father has a baby, its not your brother or your sister, who is it?"
Cheny tells Bush, "I'll call you back."
So Cheney hangs up and calls Colen Powell and asks him. "Your mother and father has a baby, its not your brother or your sister, who is it?" Powell tells Cheney, "It's me."
So Cheny calls Bush and said, "It's Powell." Bush tells him, "No you idiot--it's Tony Blair. HEHE."
3.08.2007
Fw: The True Beginning of the Internet
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "we need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham. And that is how it all began; it wasn't Al Gore after all.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "we need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham. And that is how it all began; it wasn't Al Gore after all.
3.07.2007
3.06.2007
Fw: No Parent Left Behind
All teachers will appreciate this...
NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district. Spellings have been left intact. Most of them are funny, but some are just sad. #11 has to be the best...
1) MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTORS CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2) PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT.
3) DEAR SCHOOL PLEASE ECSCs JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4) PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5) PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6) JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7) CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8) MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9) CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10) PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11) PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE--THE SH&#S. (*NOTE: Words in this note were crossed out...)
12) PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13) IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14) PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHERS FAULT. (You know, this could be legit)
15) I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16) PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.
17) MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. (I absolutely LOVE that one)
18) PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
19) PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
20) GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
21) PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
22) MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids!!!
*Thanks Anne! Lexington, Kentucky*
NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district. Spellings have been left intact. Most of them are funny, but some are just sad. #11 has to be the best...
1) MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTORS CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2) PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT.
3) DEAR SCHOOL PLEASE ECSCs JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4) PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5) PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6) JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7) CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8) MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9) CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10) PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11) PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE--THE SH&#S. (*NOTE: Words in this note were crossed out...)
12) PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13) IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14) PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHERS FAULT. (You know, this could be legit)
15) I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16) PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.
17) MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. (I absolutely LOVE that one)
18) PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
19) PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
20) GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
21) PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
22) MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids!!!
*Thanks Anne! Lexington, Kentucky*
3.05.2007
Fw: Female Wisdom
WISDOM OF THE AGELESS
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't repair it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket with a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that with this load?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't repair it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket with a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that with this load?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
3.04.2007
Fw: Decorating by Horoscope
I don't completely agree with this (purples? Ick.) but thought it was interesting...xo, Leigh
-
Aquarius
Creative, committed to helping others; loves blue, splashing water, innovative designs, and entertaining.-
Pisces
Imaginative, intuitive, emotional; love greens and blues, music and art, silvery finishes, plush textures, oceanic motifs.Aries
Energetic, competitive, charismatic; first to embrace design trends; loves reds and white, gold and bronze finishes, sparkling crystals (like the birthstone diamond).-
Taurus
Loves antiques, florals, greens and blues, comfort and luxury, romantic touches.Gemini
Inquisitive, smart, sociable; great multitasker; loves games, sculpture, metallic finishes, greens and yellows.
Cancer
Sensitive, sympathetic, affectionate; financially savvy; loves silver, white, green; treasures home, family, and memories.-
Leo
Ruling planet: Sun. Colors: gold, ruby red. Adores over-the-top grandeur in interiors and entertaining, always first with the latest technologies, organized yet highly creative.-
Virgo
Ruling planet: Mercury. Colors: green, brown. Meticulous, organized, a listmaker, committed to healthy eating and clean, well-ordered surroundings.
-
Libra
Ruling planet: Venus. Color: blue. Scales are the icon for Librans, who are warm, romantic, and eager to enjoy and share the finer things in life.Scorpio
Ruling planet: Pluto. Colors: deep reds, burgundy, crimson. Scorpio is a passionate, charismatic personality who loves being involved in meaningful endeavors.
Sagittarius
Ruling planet: Jupiter. Colors: regal shades of purple. A born traveler, Sagittarians are smart, uncomplicated, and full of fun, with an optimistic outlook.
-
Capricorn 
Ruling planet: Saturn. Colors: rich browns, black. Capricorn has a wonderful sense of humor, a disciplined approach to responsibilities, and an appreciation for professionalism.
*Thanks for the forward Taylor! Baton Rouge, Lousiana*
3.03.2007
Fw: THE ULTIMATE FEMALE JOKE
It has long been contended that there are male jokes and there are female jokes. And there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it.
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.)
Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00 -- on one condition."
(There are always conditions!)
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
(Controlling, huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said . . .
wait for it...
wait for it...
"Clean my house."
(YOU GO GIRL)
*Thanks JM! Lexington, Kentucky*
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.)
Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00 -- on one condition."
(There are always conditions!)
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
(Controlling, huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said . . .
wait for it...
wait for it...
"Clean my house."
(YOU GO GIRL)
*Thanks JM! Lexington, Kentucky*
3.02.2007
3.01.2007
Fw: I Can Explain Officer...
Police issue Willie Nelson and friends misdemeanor citations for possession of magic mushrooms and a pound and a half of marijuana after pulling over his tour bus on Interstate 10 near Lafayette. Officers report Nelson is cooperative and relaxed...
No kidding.
No kidding.
2.28.2007
Fw: Tennessee Ten Commandments
Some people in Tennessee have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the Ten Commandments.
Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms.
So, some folks in middle Tennessee got together and translated the "King James" into "Jackson County" language...no joke. Read on...
The Hillbilly Ten Commandments
(Posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro, Tennessee)
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
*Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think?
Y'all have a nice day!
Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms.
So, some folks in middle Tennessee got together and translated the "King James" into "Jackson County" language...no joke. Read on...
The Hillbilly Ten Commandments
(Posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro, Tennessee)
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
*Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think?
Y'all have a nice day!
2.27.2007
Fw: Scam From Ireland
From: webonline1@bellsouth.net
To: info@irishnationallottery.net
Subject: PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD
Date: Tue, 20 Feb 2007 14:00:41 -0500
THE IRISH ONLINE COMPANY
PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD
DEPT IRISH ONLINE AVENUE
STAMFORD BRIDGE LONDON.
SW1V 3DW UNITED KINGDOM
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded
annual final draws held on the (1ST FEB 2007) by IRISH ONLINE in
conjunction with the British American Tobacco Worldwide Promotion, your email was among the 20 Lucky winners who won £1,000,000.0 each on the THE IRISH ONLINE COMPANY PROMOTION. However the results were released on the 10th FEB 2007 and your email was attached to ticket number (7PWYZ2006) and ballot number (BT:12052006/20).
The online draws was conducted by a random selection of email addresses from an exclusive list of 29,031 E-mail addresses of individuals and corporate bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search from the internet.However, no tickets were sold but all email addresses were assigned to different ticket numbers for representation and privacy. The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection machine (TOPAZ) from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world.
This Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Boar and also Licensed by the The International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR).This lottery is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public. In other to claim your £1,000,000.00 prize winning, which has been deposited in a designated courier company. However, you will have to fill the form below and send it to the Promotion manager of THE IRISH ONLINE COMPANY for verification and then you will be directed to the courier company where a cheque of £1,000,000.00 has already been deposited in your favour.
NAME:.....................................
AGE:........................................
SEX:........................................
ADDRESS:...............................
EMAIL:....................................
PHONE:...................................
OCCUPATION:.........................
NATIONALITY..........................
COMPANY:..............................
COUNTRY:...............................
Please you are advice to complete the form and send it immediately to our Promotion manager through email or fax for prompt collection of your fund from the designated courier company. Contact Person:
Dr. Williams Spencer
Tel: +44-702-407-8463
Fax:+44-707-515-8123
E MAIL: contact_claimsoffice@yahoo.ie
You are to keep all lotto information away from the general public especially your ticket number and ballot number. (This is important as a case of double claims will not be entertained).
Yours faithfully,
Mrs. Rose Morrison
To: info@irishnationallottery.net
Subject: PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD
Date: Tue, 20 Feb 2007 14:00:41 -0500
THE IRISH ONLINE COMPANY
PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD
DEPT IRISH ONLINE AVENUE
STAMFORD BRIDGE LONDON.
SW1V 3DW UNITED KINGDOM
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded
annual final draws held on the (1ST FEB 2007) by IRISH ONLINE in
conjunction with the British American Tobacco Worldwide Promotion, your email was among the 20 Lucky winners who won £1,000,000.0 each on the THE IRISH ONLINE COMPANY PROMOTION. However the results were released on the 10th FEB 2007 and your email was attached to ticket number (7PWYZ2006) and ballot number (BT:12052006/20).
The online draws was conducted by a random selection of email addresses from an exclusive list of 29,031 E-mail addresses of individuals and corporate bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search from the internet.However, no tickets were sold but all email addresses were assigned to different ticket numbers for representation and privacy. The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection machine (TOPAZ) from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world.
This Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Boar and also Licensed by the The International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR).This lottery is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public. In other to claim your £1,000,000.00 prize winning, which has been deposited in a designated courier company. However, you will have to fill the form below and send it to the Promotion manager of THE IRISH ONLINE COMPANY for verification and then you will be directed to the courier company where a cheque of £1,000,000.00 has already been deposited in your favour.
NAME:.....................................
AGE:........................................
SEX:........................................
ADDRESS:...............................
EMAIL:....................................
PHONE:...................................
OCCUPATION:.........................
NATIONALITY..........................
COMPANY:..............................
COUNTRY:...............................
Please you are advice to complete the form and send it immediately to our Promotion manager through email or fax for prompt collection of your fund from the designated courier company. Contact Person:
Dr. Williams Spencer
Tel: +44-702-407-8463
Fax:+44-707-515-8123
E MAIL: contact_claimsoffice@yahoo.ie
You are to keep all lotto information away from the general public especially your ticket number and ballot number. (This is important as a case of double claims will not be entertained).
Yours faithfully,
Mrs. Rose Morrison
2.26.2007
Fwd: Are You Kathlick?
Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.
So they went to the nearest church...
...but, only the janitor was there.
-
One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?"
-
"Sure," said the janitor.
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!"
"When they got outside, one of them asked,
"What religion do you think we are?"
The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, ... because they pour the water on you. We're not Babtis, ... because they dunk all of you in the water. We're not Methdiss, ... because they just sprinkle water on you." 
They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?"
"I think it means we're Pisscopailians!"
The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, ... because they pour the water on you. We're not Babtis, ... because they dunk all of you in the water. We're not Methdiss, ... because they just sprinkle water on you." -
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?!?"
They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?"
"I think it means we're Pisscopailians!" 
2.25.2007
Fw: What "PMS" Really Stands For...
13 Things PMS Stands For:
(1.) Pass My Shotgun
(2.) Psychotic Mood Shift
(3.) Perpetual Munching Spree
(4.) Puffy Mid-Section
(5) People Make me Sick
(6.) Provide Me with Sweets
(7.) Pardon My Sobbing
(8.) Pimples May Surface
(9.) Pass My Sweat pants
(10.) Pissy Mood Syndrome
(11.) Plainly, Men Stink
(12.) Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one:
(13.) Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends
(1.) Pass My Shotgun
(2.) Psychotic Mood Shift
(3.) Perpetual Munching Spree
(4.) Puffy Mid-Section
(5) People Make me Sick
(6.) Provide Me with Sweets
(7.) Pardon My Sobbing
(8.) Pimples May Surface
(9.) Pass My Sweat pants
(10.) Pissy Mood Syndrome
(11.) Plainly, Men Stink
(12.) Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one:
(13.) Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends
and those who might need a good laugh!
...Or men who need a warning.
...Or men who need a warning.
2.24.2007
Fw: What Baby Are You? December
Put your birthday month after the title of this e-mail and pass it on! Bet you forward this to everybody in your address book - I did! These are adorable and I'll bet they fit your b-day/personality to a T.
What baby are you?
---------------JANUARY BABY--------------------
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 minutes and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.
----------FEBRUARY BABY --------------------
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 minutes and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.
-----------------MARCH BABY --------------------
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate, shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will meet your new love in 8 days.
------------------APRIL BABY -------------------
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.Positive attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and travelling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 minutes, a Cutie that's caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.
-----------------MAY BABY -----------------
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp. Thoughts easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. DislikeBeing at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.
------------JUNE BABY -------------
You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. A wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! In the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.
----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties In studying. Loves to be with friends. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 minutes and your reputation will boost some way in the next 12 days.
------------AUGUST BABY ---------------
Outgoing personality. Takes risks. Feeds on attention. No self control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "everything's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. In need of "that someone." Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain." Caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "Charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. Stubborn. Curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter. Repost in 5 minutes and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.
------------SEPTEMBER BABY ---------------
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. if you do not repost this in the next 5 minutes, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.
---------------OCTOBER BABY -------------------
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest and sexiest of them all. Repost this in 5 minutes or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years.
---------------NOVEMBER BABY --------------------
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.
---------------DECEMBER BABY ---------------
This straight-up means you're the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music and the arts.
*Thanks for the forward Michelle! Washington, DC*
What baby are you?
---------------JANUARY BABY--------------------
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 minutes and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.
----------FEBRUARY BABY --------------------
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 minutes and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.
-----------------MARCH BABY --------------------
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate, shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will meet your new love in 8 days.
------------------APRIL BABY -------------------
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.Positive attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and travelling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 minutes, a Cutie that's caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.
-----------------MAY BABY -----------------
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp. Thoughts easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. DislikeBeing at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.
------------JUNE BABY -------------
You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. A wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! In the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.
----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties In studying. Loves to be with friends. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 minutes and your reputation will boost some way in the next 12 days.
------------AUGUST BABY ---------------
Outgoing personality. Takes risks. Feeds on attention. No self control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "everything's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. In need of "that someone." Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain." Caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "Charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. Stubborn. Curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter. Repost in 5 minutes and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.
------------SEPTEMBER BABY ---------------
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. if you do not repost this in the next 5 minutes, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.
---------------OCTOBER BABY -------------------
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest and sexiest of them all. Repost this in 5 minutes or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years.
---------------NOVEMBER BABY --------------------
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.
---------------DECEMBER BABY ---------------
This straight-up means you're the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music and the arts.
*Thanks for the forward Michelle! Washington, DC*
2.23.2007
Fw: Living in 2007...
You know you are living in 2007 when:
1. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee.
11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
*Thanks Nancy! Lexington, Kentucky*
1. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee.
11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
*Thanks Nancy! Lexington, Kentucky*
2.22.2007
Fw: How to Change Your Name...
This is funny, you should try it...
1. YOUR REAL NAME:
(Fake name used for example...)
Leigh Elizabeth Phillips
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:
(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.)
Lei-izzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:
(fav color and fav animal)
Red Dane
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:
(middle name, and current street)
Elizabeth Dover Court
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME:
(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
PhiLe
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME:
(Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink)
Sage Martini
7. YOUR IRAQI NAME:
(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms middle name)
Eiziign
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:
(parents middle name)
Anne Taylor Louis
9. YOUR GOTH NAME:
(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Zelda
*Thanks for the funny forward Nancy! Lexington, Kentucky*
Just call me Lei-izzle!
1. YOUR REAL NAME:
(Fake name used for example...)
Leigh Elizabeth Phillips
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:
(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.)
Lei-izzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:
(fav color and fav animal)
Red Dane
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:
(middle name, and current street)
Elizabeth Dover Court
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME:
(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
PhiLe
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME:
(Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink)
Sage Martini
7. YOUR IRAQI NAME:
(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms middle name)
Eiziign
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:
(parents middle name)
Anne Taylor Louis
9. YOUR GOTH NAME:
(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Zelda
*Thanks for the funny forward Nancy! Lexington, Kentucky*
Just call me Lei-izzle!
2.21.2007
Subject: CDC ALERT: New Disease
New STD strain appears in New Orleans...
ATLANTA. The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans. The disease is contracted through ignorance coupled with dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectem and pronounced "gonna re-lect em." Many victims have contracted it and keep screwing themselves year after year.
The strain first appeared in early 2006 when Mayor Nagin was returned to the mayor's office. The current strain surfaced again this past fall when William Jefferson won the runoff election. The Center for Disease Control has issued a severe warning this past week that there is danger this strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans may be in the process of mutating and infect the entire State of Louisiana by early fall, just in time for the Governor's election.
ATLANTA. The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans. The disease is contracted through ignorance coupled with dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectem and pronounced "gonna re-lect em." Many victims have contracted it and keep screwing themselves year after year.
The strain first appeared in early 2006 when Mayor Nagin was returned to the mayor's office. The current strain surfaced again this past fall when William Jefferson won the runoff election. The Center for Disease Control has issued a severe warning this past week that there is danger this strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans may be in the process of mutating and infect the entire State of Louisiana by early fall, just in time for the Governor's election.
2.20.2007
Fw: The History of Mardi Gras
Happy Happy Mardi Gras Y'all!
xoxo, Leigh
The celebration of Mardi Gras came to North America from France where it had been celebrated since the Middle Ages. In 1699, French explorer Iberville and his men explored the Mississippi River from the Gulf of Mexico. On a spot 60 miles south of the present location of New Orleans, they set up camp on the river’s West Bank. Knowing that the day, March 3, was being celebrated as a major holiday in Paris, they christened the site Point du Mardi Gras.-
But Mardi Gras’ roots predate the French. Many see a relationship to the ancient tribal rituals of fertility that welcomed the arrival of Spring. A possible ancestor of the celebration was the Lupercalia, a circus-like orgy held in mid-February in Rome. The early Church fathers, realizing that it was impossible to divorce their new converts from their pagan customs, decided instead to direct them into Christian channels. Thus Carnival was created as a period of merriment that would serve as a prelude to the penitential season of Lent...
-
For more history and information, just click: Arthur Hardy's Mardi Gras Guide--the foremost authority on Mardi Gras!
2.19.2007
Fw: Nominated as the Best Short Joke
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet honey. Not yet," she replied.
"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet honey. Not yet," she replied.
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